Dechopping Unc (#1)

29 Apr, 2026

Okay, I'm back home in LA, returned from Inkhaven #2. It is once again time to get serious, but for real this time.

I told Markus Strasser at Inkhaven #1 I was going to lose 50 pounds by eating beef. I ended up losing 15 pounds, then crashed out and gained 15 pounds, and then finally got on the retatrutide to lose 10 pounds. So poor Markus had to see me at Inkhaven #2 a mere 10 pounds down after six months (pathetic). His first words upon seeing me were "what the fuck is this?" It's a good question Markus -- one I still don't have an answer to...

But now it's put-up or shut-up. Tomás and I have a hard deadline: in early September we're going to Japan with Markus for two weeks, and he flat out refuses to be seen on the streets of Shimokitazawa flanked by two fat slobs. So, we have four months to de-chop and de-unc. Careful planning is called for...

1. STOP BEING FAT

I'm sitting at 250 right now. I gained 3 pounds at Inkhaven #2, which is not bad, considering I was off the ret the whole time. Now that I'm back home and have 4mg of Fat Juice injected into my belly, I am filled with warranted optimism. I respond exceptionally well to the ret (I get no nausea), but I also need large doses (at a 4mg weekly dose, I get 50% hunger for 2-3 days, 75% hunger for an additional 2-3 days, then am normalish for the last 1-3 days). That's alotta juice. But it still saves me money on net, due to the outlandish amount of scrap I normally spend on comestibles.

So I need to drop 3 and 1/8th pounds per week. At my monstrous weight, this is feasible.

The main engine for this will of course be the Fat Juice. I'll continue doing 4mg weekly doses, and start chasing that with a 1.5 bump after a few days to counteract the first drop off.

The second engine for this will be walking. I get very sedentary in Los Angeles. 10,000 steps is a scam, and I won't be doing that because I want to do things that aren't spending two and a half hours every day waddling up and down the LA River. However, I will be immediately setting my daily step minimum to 6,000, and then increase that by 100 every week.

The third engine of this will be diet. I want to retain my muscle, and actually grow in certain places (like my concave-ass pecs). So I will need to keep things nutrient-dense. I will achieve this by eating beef, eggs, olive oil, rice, potatoes, whatever vegetables, and fruit. Most of this I will get from Costco or whatever, but the eggs specifically I need to be careful about. Chicken-farming in particular is a holocaust, and almost all egg labels ("cage-free", "free-range", etc.) are demonic lies by omission. Cornucopia has an egg-rating system, and by using it I've resolved to only consume eggs from Happy Hens. They're like $11-16 a dozen (lol), but that's fine. Availability is a concern, so to acquire these elusive eggs I will have to shop at... Erewhon. It's over.

2. STOP BEING A PUSSY

I have been a bit of a fucking pussy of late. My left arm and lats have been damaged and atrophied for a year due to a neck injury (back then, I was moaning and drooling into my pillow every night for three weeks due to the pain), and I have let this minor setback get in the way of lifting heavy and being a man. I tried doing a bunch of "rehab"-style lifting, and then gave that up when that went nowhere. I'm now convinced that the critical bottleneck here is not my arm, not my neck, but rather the Huge Pussy they are attached to. My triceps and my lats will find a way to heal if I force them to.

When I hit my 1000 pound total, my 1RM lifts used to be:

1. Benchpress - 240 lb
2. Deadlift - 405 lb
3. Squat - 380 lb

My lifts have since degenerated into:

1. Benchpress - 165 lb
2. Deadlift - 315 lb
3. Squat - 285 lb

This is genuinely disgusting. I'll get back to the weight room daily, following this lifting schedule (listed quantities denote weight at top set of five reps):

And:

And:

There is another element of being a pussy worth thinking about, which is how I train bjj. I'm getting about 10 hours per week of mat time (which is enormous for a casual), but I'm mainly training with white and blue belts, and I'm stomping them without having to work very hard. I do eventually need to fix this pussy behavior, but my current approach helps me learn a lot while keeping things safe, so I will continue to do this while I'm focused on weight loss.

3. STOP BEING A SLOB

I need to get an expensive haircut (my hair is long and ratty). The women around me tell me to get over myself and just get a $200 haircut. I will do that this week.

I need to clean up my skin. My skin is generally pretty good (particularly due to all the bjj-related exfoliation), but many improvements can be made. I will be wearing la roche posay every day to prevent skin aging. I will also do all the other skincare shit Markus and Jortsmoder think is good (TBD, once I've reviewed all the recs).

I also need to dress better. I wear athleisure all the time (lmao). Caching this for when I'm thinner though.

I also need to fix up the teeth. Too yellow atm, and some plaque has built up (I swear I floss twice a day, but still there's some buildup. Alas).

I also need to schedule my LASIK to get these fucking glasses off my head.

4. PEEP THE VISION

Markus got ChatGPT Images 2.0 to produce this photo of me, thinner and glossier. I'm a bit yassified, but I'm declaring this vision REAL and POSSIBLE, as this is actually quite similar to how I looked in high school.

It's ascension time fellas.